Easy Weight Loss for Lazy People: Eat a Ton, Don’t Exercise, and Cheat
by Jill Escher, author, Farewell, Club Perma-Chub: A Sugar Addict’s Guide to Easy Weight Loss
It’s absurd and shameful to see our country’s obesity and diabetes rates skyrocketing while our ignorant government-medical-pharma establishment continues to push the stupid solution of “Eat Less, Move More.” Many of us are told we need to surgically remove a good part of a vital organ through a bariatric procedure because we have become so incapable of controlling our appetites. Or we’re asked to count calories, cut fat, exercise until our knees hurt, suffering deprivation and hunger all the while. And we believe this stuff.
Well, guess what. We aren’t lazy. We aren’t gorging. And no one, anywhere, any time, will subject themselves to hunger and deprivation over a prolonged period of time. Just a generation ago, obesity and diabetes (what I call “sugar and starch poisoning syndrome) were rare, and that’s not because our ancestors were morally superior or more ferocious exercisers. It’s because our generation, unlike others, has been subtlely poisoned on a mass scale. How? By industrial, processed, junk food that hijacks our delicate and vulnerable hormonal and neurotransmitter systems, creating a deranged biochemical system that all at once retains fat and craves sugar.
So it stands to reason that we can exit this totally preventable epidemic by removing the modern poisons from our diets, rather than via the misery of endless diet-and-exercise. Remove the the modern processed food, and your biochemistry will normalize, resulting in fat loss, new energy, better sleep, glowing skin, fewer aches and pains, the end of depression, and less risk of heart disease, stroke, and cancer, to name just a few of the benefits. This approach to weight loss requires almost no effort and not a speck of deprivation, although for many the withdrawal from sugar (and wheat, for many), can insert a temporary, surmoutable roadbump.
So what should a Person of Average Laziness do to lose weight with ease? Just following the following three (easy) rules: EAT A TON, DON’T EXERCISE, AND CHEAT. It’s all so uncomplicated, I could scream (AAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH! That feels better.)
1. EAT A TON OF FOOD. That’s right. Eat a lot, piles of it. Hunger is the enemy of weight loss; any sense of deprivation could prompt a binge. What kind of food? Real food, the unprocessed stuff, stuff that grows on trees or comes from the ground or from an animal, and never touches the blade of a processing machine or the roar of a factory, the stuff that our distant ancestors would recognize as food. But no sugar, grains, corn, soy, or rice. And go easy on potatoes. You can roast, stir-fry, pan-cook, bake, or make salads. Mix up veggies, meat, and nuts with good oils like coconut oil, butter or olive oil. Read some books on Paleo nutrition or inspiration and understanding; this stuff is not brain surgery.
I’m too lazy and busy to spend a lot of time cooking, so I keep my food simple and prep time to a minimum. So, for example, for breakfast, I often have two eggs cooked in olive oil, half an avocado, two tangerines, and chopped almonds. For lunch, a big bowl of mixed roasted veggies like Brussells sprouts, tomatoes, red bell peppers, butternut squash, onions, garlic, and carrots (5 minutes to prep, 40 to cook) with some seasoned carne asada (5 minutes to cook) plus some grapes and mixed nuts. For dinner, a piece of salmon cooked atop a bed of spinach (8 minutes to cook) with a chopped salad with tasty olive oil and balsamic dressing (3 minutes to prep).
When cravings hit or I need to snack, I’ll eat grapes, cheese and nuts, or almond butter with apples, or sliced veggies and cheese. Never, ever go hungry. If you need five heaping meals a day at the start, so be it; you’ll probably see your need for huge quantities of food diminish over time as your body becomes more fully nourished and you lower your blood sugar and lose your addictions.
2. DON’T EXERCISE. If there’s one thing we can learn from experience and the research, it’s that exercise does not produce sustainable weight loss. While I do recommend exercise — for fun, energy, muscle tone, metabolism, and mood — it can make us really hungry while failing to “burn calories” (which doesn’t really happen anyway). Weight loss is NOT a calorie game — it’s a hormone game (staring with the control of insulin by lowering your blood sugar), and a neurotransmitter game (by overcoming addiction to sugar and starch). For me, daily walks and some simple resistance exercises like squats, push-ups and lunges do the trick; I feel zero guilt about not sweating.
3. CHEAT. People’s biggest fear when starting down the Just-Eat-Real-Food (as the great Sean Crawford calls it, JERF) path is the idea that ice cream or cupcakes or dutch crunch bread or Doritos or whatever sugary, starchy favorite stuff will be lost to them forever. But fear not! Once you remove the offending foods from your system for a period long enough to regain a normal biochemistry unhindered by the insulin spikes and dopamine rushes caused by processed food, you can experiment with cheating. After about 6 months of being totally sugar-free, I found I could sneak a sweet here and there without much of a problem. And even if you resume a bit of junk-food eating, 2 or 3 teaspoons worth of sugar a day, which will feel like a lot to a happy body that has experienced the joy of JERF, that sure the heck beats 22 a day, the daily average American consumption.
You can do this. Anyone can do this. If you need more details, may I humbly recommend you buy my book. It’s cheap, available via Kindle and paperback, and all proceeds benefit autism charities. Anyone who wants to buy a dozen or more, for clients, gyms, or friends, can get a steep discount by contacting me directly. Good luck and let me know how it goes, at email@example.com.